I could have posted all those pictures on Facebook yesterday and anyone looking would have thought I had a wonderful day outside with my two adorable children.
Well, that’s one of the problems with Facebook. I not going to rant about all the issues that Facebook has caused in our society, because I really do enjoy it (most of the time) and if I didn’t want to have an account, I could just cancel mine, its a free country.
But yesterday reminded me that when I see pictures of others and their lives just look so perfect and “together,” these little glimpses only tell part of a story. For me, my day was, well, very difficult. I don’t want this to be a whine session, but instead a true account of how sometimes motherhood is just the hardest and least glamorous thing on earth.
The day began at 3:45am with Ian giving me a good-bye kiss as he left for the airport. He was leaving for an overnight business trip. I was not worried about doing the single parent thing; it’s only for a day and a half, how bad could it be? Famous last words. As I roused enough from sleep to say good-bye, I realized through my tiredness that something was wrong. I felt as if someone had punched me in the throat. Yuck! I was sick. The night before I was suspicious that this was happening, the throbbing pain as I tried to swallow confirmed it. Well, just a cold, no big deal.
When I got up (closer to 7am, I did go back to sleep) I drank a mixture of apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, honey, cinnamon and cayenne (might sound strange, but it kinda taste like a spicy apple cider). I hoped this would kick start my immune system and give me the energy I needed to tackle the day. I ate a healthy breakfast, put the casserole for my MOPS meeting in the oven and read my devotional. I was feeling pretty good about myself despite the cold and overall sinus pressure. We managed to get out the door and to Greensboro for MOPS without much trouble. Seth enjoyed his whole wheat peanut butter banana burrito, while got to chat with my sister on the way. Hey, this day was going to be great. The meeting at MOPS was really good, with a speaker that challenged and encourage me, some awesome brunch food and time with other moms. Yup, it was going to be a good day.
Then we started home.
My head began to pound. Like really hard. The sinus pressure was increasing and with it so did my headache. I reached for the glove compartment to get some pain killer. It was out of my reach. Bummer. Seth chatted in the back. Sounds cute, right. Not when his chatter sounded more like a marching band in my aching head. My eyes stung and my throat throbbed.
When we got home, I took some pain killers before even getting out of the car. We stayed outside for a bit, even though Seth told me he didn’t want to (first clue that something was amiss with my little guy). After keeping him out as long as I could, we went back into the house. It was nap time. Well, it would have been nap time on a normal day. I had a sinking feeling that a nap was not going to be in order for the day. I just sensed he was not settled enough. Then something else strange happened. Bridget was fussy. Really fussy. She normally is happy and content. When she’s tired, I nurse her and lay her in bed and she sleeps. Not yesterday. She fussed while I tried to feed her. Fussed in her bed the whole time I was attempting to put Seth down for his nap. So after putting him in bed, I got her back up. She didn’t want to play, she didn’t want to kick, she just wanted me to hold her, hold her standing up, hold her standing up and bouncing. So I did.
Then I heard Seth, he was playing in his room. Not napping. I had guessed right. No nap for him. After about an hour of bouncing Bridget and listening to Seth not sleep, I got him up. That’s when I fell apart. Seth was whining, Bridget fussy and I was tired. I lost my temper. I know it happens to all of us (well, I think it does at least), but I still hate when it happens. I wish I could just be patient with my children and act loving and caring toward them at all times. But, that is not the true story of yesterday. I yelled and hit the wall. I cried, a lot.
Then I took a deep breath and tried to regain control (easier said then done). I knew that the more frustrated I showed myself to be, the more difficult the day would be. I tried to put Bridget to sleep again. It took some convincing, but she went down, finally. Now I had a whining toddler, who didn’t want to nap, didn’t want to play, just wanted to whine at me. And that’s what he did. For the rest of the day (except for the hour I let him watch a movie so I could shower).
He whined through dinner, whined through his bath, whined while I put him to bed, early. We skyped with my sister and her kids, but he didn’t talk, because he was holding his dinner in his mouth and refused to swallow. He was also refusing to poop, which didn’t happen until I got him in the bath and had it half filled with water. Yup, drain the tub, wash it out and start over.
Once I finally got him to bed and then Bridget bathe and in bed too. I was beat. I should have gone to bed too, but instead I made myself a big bowl of ice cream and enjoyed a cupcake with lots of frosting. It was a long day. I am thankful Ian will be home tonight. I am thankful days like this are not everyday. I am thankful for ice cream and cupcakes.