Over a year ago I posted a blog about my struggles with being a “stay-at-home” mom. Well, the struggle continues. It seems like the move to a new location has caused what I thought to be a past hurdle for me to raise up once again. My thoughts from that blog are so true today:
Motherhood is tough…need I even say it? It’s constantly thinking of someone else, putting his needs before my own and giving up my wishes to make sure he is well cared for. Its a “laying down of your life.” I have read that the daily “laying down” is often harder than actually having to die for someone else. Most parents would, without even giving it a second thought, die to save their child, but the daily “dying” to my selfish desires and wants is something that is hard to do.
Motherhood has taught me how selfish I really am
I am discovering more and more how much I think about my own wants and my own wishes. I love to care for Seth, but everyday…24 hours a day!? Yes, that is what motherhood is and at times (more often as of late) my flesh screams against such a job.
What about me?When’s the last time I thought about doing something for myself? I really don’t want to stay home all the time! Think about the years ahead and what it looks like…boring!!!
These are are just some of the thoughts that have been going through my mind. Some of them I can dismiss pretty easily; others nag more and grip harder. I have never been a “homebody,” I liked going to work. But I know I want to be a stay-at-home mom, I want to be there to raise Seth (and any other children the Lord gives us). Staying home is what I am going to do, when I see Seth I don’t want it any other way, but I know its not going to be easy.
This is going to be a daily (sometime hourly) struggle for me, at least for a while. But I know that God is walking it with me. I am going to put Seth needs before my own wishes. I am not being heroic (you would believe me if you saw my super bad attitude these past few days), I am just going to do the thing I believe God has called me to. I also am going to be searching for ways in which to find joy in the midst of it. I don’t want to be a resentful stay-at-home mom, I truly desire to be a joyful homemaker. I don’t have it all figured out…
No, I still don’t have it “all figured out.” But I think that sharing a piece of my world with others is a way that God wants me to reach out from the four little walls that compose so much of my world right now. I am going to try a little food blogging here, maybe share some crafts I am working on, and of coarse there will be photos and stories. As you read you will hear about my struggles, my victories (however small), and how the Lord is teaching this reluctant homemaker to be joyful!